Acknowledgements:

 I am extremely fortunate I probably do not express it has well as I should but I hope to continue and improve.   I would first and need to thank my dad for watching Wayne’s World 2 that finally gave me the impetus to start this project I love you!   My mom you are the most selfless person I know because you put my brother and me first over your own happiness and well being.    I am truly so fortunate to have you in my life thank you I love you!   My grandpa thank you for encouraging me to continue this project I truly look forward to spending time with you each week thanks for all the laughs I love you!   Special side note: My brother:  you truly are  my best friend I thank God that I have you in my life.    I truly wish nothing but the best for you in your life because you deserve any and all the best in your life.    You are the absolute best.   I love you!   Lastly I need to thank God because truth be told I do not acknowledge him in all ways I should but I am thankfully that he has gotten me this far I think I know what it is I think because God has gotten me this far he will not leave us.   I look at my fortunate and marvel at how fortunate I am.   In Chris Hardwick’s book The Nerdist Way How to Reach the Next Level in Your Real Life: he writes:  You Deserve Every Wonderful Thing You Want in This Life.   There is No Merit to Living in A Sadness Dungeon. Work Hard and Play Nicely.      I also need to thank Eddie Trunk reading his books encouraged me to enjoy the music that I truly love regardless of what others may think.   Also thanks Eddie for being a flag waver for the music you love!   There are musicians/bands that I only discovered by reading and listening to Eddie Trunk.   I need to thank Jim Cornete for signing my 25th anniversary Midnight Express scarp book and also helping me forum many of my opinions and preserving what makes professional wrestling such a different and unique art form preserving the magic.    I think this is an extremely important note: there is an entitlement I am not sure what the right word is but there is a group of individuals who think it is their obligation to stop anything they may find offensive not taking into account that in order to live in a free society we have to live with things that we do not like that is the price of living in a free society.   No one forces anyone to watch or listen to anything they do not want it is a lack of maturity I think because as adults we understand that this is the price of living in a free society.   As Dennis Prager said who are you to shut him up or who is he to shut any one else up? That is how important freedom of speech and freedom in general is.   I think it is okay to apologize because everyone will make a mistake but apologizing for "offending" anyone I think is a huge issue and problem.   Thank you to Tommy Dreamer:  and House of Hardcore/HOH I need to thank Ronnie James Dio for the quote  at the beginning of this blog.   I am not sure I will ever live up to that quote or the person Ronnie was but it truly inspires me.   I think Lemmy Killmister  from Motorhead: came up with the saying I used and Doro Pesch started using it and then she sticks up the Dio  horns and says "Stay Hard Stay Heavy"!   I need to acknowledge God more without becoming a religious fanatic which I think I need  to reiterate and again I do not want to be disrespectful to anyone with this statement the last thing people need is just another religion in their lives what people need  and should desire is for  is Jesus Christ to be in their lives but I am certainly not perfect.   I hear people say they will become a Christan when they are either ready or perfect so they will never become Christians because they will never be ready or perfect.   I still have desires that I do not understand and try to avoid them but I will never deny I have them.   But I am willing to put my faith in Jesus Christ again never perfect.   Take this and make it your own all of you must make it your own: "Stay Hard Stay Heavy" because all of us have absolutely no choice take it into a positive direction.   Do not determine your self worth by the following you garner on social media which is a huge issue that most people may not even be aware of it psychologically what it is doing to the mind.   Our minds are extremely fragile which can add: to depression anxiety and paranoia and one of the biggest culprits has to be social media.   I think much of this started with MTV's Total Request LIVE:"TRL" which started out innocently and it has turned into this uncontrollable monster that is what it has become and what makes it worse we do not know what it is doing to the users and parents are mostly unaware of it.   It reminds me of doing a three hour monologue that a radio host must produce how does that happened?   It must be an unbearable grind where it maybe easier to just escape but that is not reality that is not to suggest that we do not need an escape but those escapes can not  be abused which they can be they can cause more harm sometimes than good and it is difficult to know where that line is so I suggest keep everything at a level of moderation.   The idea of keeping everything in moderation can seem extremely boring especially in this fast pace world but I suggest break everything off into smaller pices never think that you have to accomplish everything in one day.   That is different then deadlines such as: paying taxes bills and the like and hopefully everyone gets into a routine where that is something that is not even thought but I think one of the problems going forward is the idea of everyone wanting to be seen everyone wants to be acknowledged but what is the price?   What are the long term consequences to content creators and an information overload how does one especially when they are young well not just the young everyone protect themselves if they are either content creators from an information overload?   Because no one receives their news and information from any of the same sources?   It is all different so how does anyone discern what is true and what is not?   Could it be the ones who are  trying to suppress speech?   Because I do not want to suppress speech from the left even though that is  a claim often made by the left that conservatives are the ones who want to silence the left.   I am not sure what to do about social media and these big tech platforms I think they have gotten way to big in ways that were unimaginable just a couple years ago but I want people to have both freedom of speech and freedom to choose.   I think a lot of these platforms need to be broken down I am not sure about regulation but there needs to be a portal where people can get the content creators they want.   Do not follow anyone blindly just because they have a large following on the internet and do not become so obsessed with your followers that your identity gets so warped up in the numbers which is extremely dangerous and could be a trap which you may never get out.   There are so many people who will try to convince everyone they can trust them.   They will often say you can trust me we are different we are sincere they will say but are they making a comprise with the devil?   How many true friends does anyone really have not many that is the sad reality a person who is a true friend will drop whatever they are doing and will help you when you need it.   The reality of life is there is not a lot of support there is a lot of narcissism and cynicism in this world but hopefully we can all find meaning in our lives to remember: what really matters in life because those lines can blur very easily to the point where you are not sure where those lines are blurred the good news I am extraordinary grateful.   I do net expect God to give me what I want because I ask him for it that is not God's primary role and those who believe that will become disillusioned and alienated from their faith.   Does God answer prayer maybe maybe not but do not forget to pray and never be too busy or proud to pray.     I get a sense from reading: The Rational Bible Durotomy by Dennis Prager that we are allowed to be ambivalent towards: God he is not a celestial butler which I learned the term from Dennis Prager that many people treat God as a celestial butler and call him when they want something from him and expect to get it and when they do not they become disillusioned and alienated from God but that can not be and should not be God's primary role.   So we have to be "born again" it says that in the bible  the book that people mock and laugh but God wants to hear from everyone of us if we are created in God's image he wants to hear from us and when we become children of God he places a price tag on us which infuriates the devil so pray without ceasing pray when things seem to be good and when they seem to be bad when everything is falling a part lean on God even if you are like me and do not fully understand what a relationship with God really entails give that confession: and doubt: to God and he will hopefully give all of us clarity.   It would certainty be much easier to live a life of escapism be middle of the road and non-controversially and I would not even mean to be controversially that is the sad reality in which we live.   It seemed as if when I was growing up someone could tell a joke on a radio show and if someone got offended: they could just apologize and people would move on now everything gets magnified because of the internet social media and watch dog groups: a so called harmless phrase can turn into a slur  because the mob is not interested: in forgiveness they want everyone to kowtow and be re educated: by the mob.   It would be much easier to just take the easier route of escapism having courage is not easy and those with grit will develop calluses and hopefully having those calluses will make us all stronger the most difficult issue is not developing a harden heart to not believe in a tit for tat mindset: only focusing on winning if that happens we will get calluses  and  a harden heart this will not be easy but it must take place on the battle field of ideas which means the public will have to determine what is true and not which will not be easy so that means: the public will have to get out of their comfort zone and do their own research and I do not have a lot of faith in the general public we live in the age of information but we are less informed during this period in time which I would think would be the opposite but that is not the case remember: politics is not a game or a blood sport but we all may loose friends we may disagree but hopefully we can disagree and remain friends at the end of the day it is not worth destroying one's life those who are always in the comment section which I am not sure what to make of any comment section I am not against any comment section I just do not understand them.   We all need to soften our hearts not change our hearts but soften them.   It took awhile to get me here and I am going to take my time and I an't going nowhere.   Those are lyrics: from Eve featuring: Gwen  Stefani I am not sure why those lyrics popped into my head but for a certain reason I felt as if I got into that mood in which I relate to them.    I am not and have never been against feminism first of all I do not have enough information: about it but I do believe there is a war on "masculinity or a war on boys".   But the absolute best thing we can do is not make assumptions but follow our intuition which is not easy to always to reconcile but I think all of this should be done in "moderation".   Check out: the Prager U video presented: by Christina Hoff Sommers called the  war on boys.   Sometimes I feel as a degenerate in which I am not prepared or ready it is the reason I do not want to and never have attempted to produce a persona because all that will do is produce disappointment.   It is one of the main reasons people are disappointed when people make the assumption that you are something it could be anything in this scenario: everyone will disappoint someone at some point which is not intentionally which makes it more disappointing: when it is  someone you love and as Christans all of us will disappoint someone that to me is the whole point of being a christian acknowledging your necessity for Jesus Christ in our lives even with the confusion damaged psyche and the lack of support because there is not a lot of clarity so the best aspect is to acknowledge it.   Maybe get rid of the image all of us have had for our lives because imagines  kill people I am blessed that I never formed an image for what I wanted my life to be I just have continued: to live.   It is one of the biggest issues with social media because people develop a false persona that they want people to perceive a person to be.   When that persona is shattered people are devastated this probably happens to many religious leaders: because people make the assumption that they know something that they do not know and when they find out they are humans like everybody else they become disillusioned.   I offend wonder am I worshiping :"false idols"?   Do I love others more than God?   I do not believe so I struggle with my faith I have doubts sadness and confusion.   I do believe religious fascism is real and I think it could be a trap.   I do not think there is anything wrong with mourning  I think not going though grief is a huge issue.   I think if there are Christans who say it is wrong to grieve I think they are wrong and maybe: they mean well but those good intentions: do not accomplish what those intentions were.   The idea of being a Christan can be scary because there are so many competing demands from this world and other Christans.     But what really matters is what God wants us to accomplish it is going to be extremely difficult but so is the Christan life.   I will never try to ignore God I want to listen: and hear: what he is trying to say to all of us.   When those tragedies occur God is not punishing us that is wrong but I do think he will remove certain aspects that are inhabiting us.   I want to listen and stay focused this is not about a following on social media which causes extremely  narcissism and anxiety.   I use music because it  has always been a great healer in my life but I do not use it as a crutch or a replacement for something.   Human beings are emotional beings but there is no excuse for trying to not control your emotions.   I wonder if being famous was easier before social media?   I would say yes but it still has to be extremely  isolating and alienating at the exact same time I hope that narcissism that I have had has been taken out of me.   I think we are allowed to crash a couple times in our lives we just can not stay there too long.   But I have heard stories when tragedies occur that people say they saw the eyes of God when those tragedies happened.   When people talk about supernatural experiences: I believe them because having a relationship with Jesus Christ is supernatural which I wish was not the case I wish it were more provable because when you say supernatural people will suggest so is voodoo aliens and everything else.   I will never try to answer the question of why?   I think it is dangerous to try and answer the question of why?   I think religious leaders have tried to answer the question of why?   and it has caused devastating and negative harm.   There are a ton of elements that cause contentment such as: a religious community it takes a lot because it is a continually process for everyone.   I do think we must have compassion and empathy towards people who need it.   I have tried on several occasions to please everybody and when everything is in disarray I will try and place that burden on myself because as Christans I think it is innate in us to try and please everyone around us.   But doing that has produced disastrous results because it is not possible for me or anyone to please everyone around them.   I wish it were because there are Christans who will suggest that everything under the sun is a sin it can be extremely overwhelming and I do not think the Christan life should be overwhelming if it is for anyone they may want to reassess how they are practicing their faith because  it  should  bring joy contentment and comfort but it is a battle the Christan life there is absolutely no way around that and when you become a Christan there will always be people who will try and bring you down they are waiting for you to screw up so they can boast about how they knew you weren't really a Christan because you commented this mistake or sin so the best thing we can do is have compassion for these people be patient and show all of them a little grace which has been missing in this country for quite sometime.   The worst thing people do is put Christans under a microscope.   Which is the absolute worst mistake any of us can make because the whole point of being a Christan is being aware of how screwed up all of  us are.   But it starts with the individual lift each other up meet people exactly where they are do not bring everyone down I know it is hard for a lot of people because that notion is the exact opposite of what society has become.   So this has to change otherwise we are not going to survive we are just continuing:  judging ridiculing everyone just to build themselves up but that is not happening it makes people happy for a little bit but it does not in actuality.   I want to live a simple life I am not trying to avoid reality I do not like reality but it is unavoidable just because I do not like the idea of unjust suffering that does not change reality and the problem with secularism even though unjust suffering makes no sense to human beings having a belief in a creator gives comfort to those who choose  to believe.   Because the human spirit has with stood unbearable tragedies even with all of the doubts confusion and depression but I know God can handle all of it which may take a lot of time but people can recover so I think the best thing we can do is ask God for his holy spirit to penetrate our hearts and souls because how many generations have been called the "lost generation"?    Pretty much everyone that is a little different but they seemed to survive some way so God must have intervened in every generation in someway.   How many generations warned that they were the generation whom the previous generation warned us think: Grace Slick during Woodstock 69.   So if one choices to believe in God even with malevolence and uncertainty in this world the benefit of belief is far more rational then the idea of secularism because even with all I just mentioned people who choice faith lose nothing but gain everything.   How many unimpressive people did God use to begin a great work and it may not make sense to traditional Christans I can not think of another term but those traditional Christans may ridicule and bring you down and they may not do it on purpose they just do not understand what you are doing.   But it says in the bible Philippians 1:6 he who began a good work in you will carry it out until the day of Christ's return.   The best thing all of can do is remain grateful it is difficult sometimes but we must remain grateful gratitude is the mother of goodness no one can be a good person without gratitude but understand: that even with the monotony it is monotonous for everyone we all have to find a balance between how we use our time money resources and what we sacrifice.   If anyone tries to find all their meaning in their work and that is all they do no one can find meaning.   We all should try and find meaning: in our relationships with those whom we trust.   We all must find a balance every single day which is not easy to master much like happiness which I am not positive how to maintain but try and remain grateful because everyone is suffering in some way we are all conflicted in a ton of ways and I am not  sure being conflicted  ever goes away and I do not think admitting all of us are conflicted in some ways is a bad thing to admit: I think it is worse to not admit that I am conflicted much like being tempted is not a  sin being conflicted even as: Christans it is okay to admit being: exhausted depressed anything there is nothing wrong with any of it.   I have to admit to not being sure but the best aspect is we have to accept that no one can please everyone whether that is at work anything we all need to take care of all our well being that will be even more difficult because of non-stop online communication instant feedback  and the exuberance people receive when bad things happen to people must stop.   I think the best thing all of us can do is try to remain grateful which will be more of a challenge going forward.    But I think the best thing all of us can do is remain grateful even with all the cointroductions and confusion all of us face.   I keep thinking even though we are all complexed fully of contradictions and confusion hopefully all we can strive to be better because I can tell everyone that if we are not trying to improve in some way we should all just die we are complete or as: the last thing Jesus Christ said on the cross before dying: "it is finished" I take great comfort in that because it means that all our sins were payed on the cross I have to admit that I have difficulty discerning between what is a sin and not because there seems to be contradictions between what is a sin and what is not depending on whom you talk.   But that is not God's fault that is because religion is a man made institution: but when all of us become Christans the devil will whisper: "okay if you have to become a Christan do not become to "fanatical".   I will try not to live a comprised life but does that mean I should give up hobbies that bring me joy?   I would say no because any kind of fanaticism is real any kind of fanaticism is bad and faith can be no different.   I am referring to faith not a religion.   I need hobbies and escapes I have never used: them as a crutch and it has worked out well for me and I know at certain points: I will fall away from my faith that is just human nature so accept that will happen and never use  the tragedies of life to become religious or a person of faith because all that will do is leave doubts in those who are all ready skeptical I would suggest all of us should use  our faith for good.   Because wisdom begins with fear of God that is the beginning of wisdom.   I heard Denzel Washington:  say in an interview that "fear is contaminated faith" which  is exactly what I needed to hear today.   I am not idealistic I have tried to not be a lover of myself and I suggest that for everyone else do not be high in self esteem but give all control to God and if it does not work out move on but try not to be angry with God which is difficult not to be because human beings want to be in control over everything but I do take comfort in the fact that we are not even in control over what happens to us I am not even sure that we are in control over how we react to everything that happens to us at any given time because we all  are emotional beings whether we like it or not and to deny that I think we are denying human nature which does not do any of us any good.   No one will know how they will react to if x happens even though most things that occur in life are:  inevitable unforeseeable and unknowable we must let go of our control and give it to God because if anyone tries to control anything that will be an awesome unbearable task because we are not designed for that task so all we can do is our best and not try to please every Christan around us but stay silent in this noise unproductive world of gossip because that is  what most of the world has become gossip and do not let preachers make any of us feel guilty because we will all stumble from time to time preachers will also  "stumble" so do not beat ourselves up when we stumble just ask for forgiveness and move on because the best aspect about God is when we ask for forgiveness he will forgive us and forget it the biggest problem: is how do we forgive ourselves?   Never assume that the bad things that happen to  any of us is God's will that the lord giveth and taketh   away I hate that and reject that view that  should  be common sense.   I also think it is dangerous because there have been a lot of good people that have had bad things happen to them and they did not do anything to deserve it.   One may argue that none of us are good or innocent I still think that is a dangerous theology because that places the burden: on each induvial a burden: which we were not meant to bear.   God gave each one of us free will and he will not violate: that free will a person can really go crazy thinking about all of this but if Vitor Frankel who wrote: "Man's Search for Meaning" can find meaning in life despite all the suffering and loss that he faced I hope we all can because what he went though is incomprehensible to me or as: Henry Rollins: said "you can't screw up you can't do it even though all of you  have thought about it  because we all know how life is".   But all of us must not let the monster consume us or get so so massive that it gets out of control which I must admit is one of my biggest fears.   Do not rejoice when people fail that is a huge abyss that is so easy to fall into it becomes like a spark and before long that spark becomes an uncontrollable wildfire and that seems like an  annoying cliché and it can seem that way but that massive monster can get so out of control that you do not recognize that monster because it becomes your identity.   I never want to suggest that there are contradictions in the bible that is the main criticism of the bible that it is full of contradictions: I just may not understand everything in the bible.   Now that may not be easy to reconcile.   I have never been interested in being successful because it  seems like one is focusing on one's self when anyone is thinking about being successful such as: making a certain amount of money or having the life of their dreams I hear that term all the time but aren't they just focusing on themselves?   I am not against having a certain amount of money I am referring to self worship the same as: IQ how many parents brag about their childern's IQ or lack thereof so they put unnecessary pressure on them that's selfish and self destructive for them.   I think most of the time I am just going through the motions of life I think most people do they either get into a routine or they think this is what one does and there is aboluely nothing wrong with that.   But I think it is important: to remember to go easy on yourself.   It is the same question as: do I need to suffer for my religion I would say no because there is all ready to much pain all ready built into it I do not understand the notion of intentionally suffering for your religion I would suggest to stay humble humility is a virtue that is often over looked and I think it is a mistake.   Also do not be ashamed  to admit to being a work in progress I think many people who are not just Christans but any religious person should be ashamed to admit that they are works in progress because admitting that can be extremely freeing because it releases a burden that we were never meant to carry so stop.   Admit that we are all tools that can be used but the first  thing:  we must do is give up control how many times have I heard the phrase be captains of our own ships?   That does not give us a free pass but what that means is give up all your control to God which can be extremely scary but it is a process that must take place because that burden will only cause bitterness and resentment.   Which I never want to be in fact I fear it being bitter forgiveness is not always easy but it is a process.   The whole concept: of a higher power can be overwhelming and complicated that is why I say pick your spots on where any of us share the gospel.   I think it is extremely important to let people know about the gospel but I am not sure what that entails I understand the concept of the gospel but what is the synopsis of it?   How does one let those who need to hear it know about it without turning people away?   Because there are a lot of people that are hurting: confessed and mixed up.    I can say for certainty that the saying the lord works in mysterious ways is certainly true only he knows how and why and the way he uses people please don't give up on yourself and others because that is the easy way out the best thing all of us can do is pick our spots and let God do the rest of the work.   This certainly will not be easy and I am not sure how much time any of us have but I do not think the concept of time concerns God he probably does not entertain the notion: of time because we all know as human beings that we are only here for a limited  amount of time and they say life is short but it is neither short or long whether we are here or not life will go on time continues to get away from us which can be overwhelming.   But the best thing we can do is not be intimidated by the concept of time because that is one of the devil's great strategies to whisper we are all running out of time but that is just a diversion:  satan's strategy to confuse and blur  those lines and to not fall away but know going in there will be times where all of us will fall away but that does not mean any of us are bad people or lost that just makes all of us human with human nature human nature is usually our own worst enemy that is why battling our own human nature is our greatest battle because we can not be guided by human nature.   Remember: I can not please every Christan I really wish I could I wish this were easier but unfortunately that judgement can be extremely debilitating guilt to the point of nauseating I am just being honest maybe some might suggest that I can not handle any adversity or stress and I realize my heart is dark I just know that from the start.    Some judgement is necessary because we all need to change but I think we must acknowledge: that it can destroy and hurt one's life.   I hate to feel that way But I think it is necessary because of social media people form opinions with little or no information and the way information travels it can destroy anyone's reputation which is all we have and once people believe something about anyone they will  always believe it.   Which should be extremely troubling to everyone regardless: of whether they use social media or not it is extremely difficult and  troubling which is a terrible risk because the dangers of the search for fame can and will end up destroying  anyone who pursues it that is different than pursuing happiness pursuing happiness is not about pursuing one's pleasure or focused on one's self and image which is a detriment because of social media it is truly a detriment much like smart phones all they have done is cause anxiety depression and also most debilitating I do not know I do not think I am different than anyone else but I am not special or unique.    I know everyone has been told they are special but the self esteem  movement has been disastrous I will never admit to give advice to anyone because all that has done is cause unnecessary guilty.   I can tell you that from my experience that just talking to people they give advice and I can tell they did not even listen to me.   I know that reality eventually will slap each of us in the face towards it's in differences towards each of us.   I want my loved ones to tell me painful truths regardless of whether they will hurt me I will try and handle it but regardless of whom any of us talk some will suggest that the thinking of helping someone will eventually end up hurting them.   I used to think I was a freedom of speech absolutist: now I have changed my opinion on it when I see and hear the cruelness and celebration by many of the users on social media is and has caused so much sickness that is what it has come down to an evil sickness.   Remember: and I hope all of  us should understand that an opinion is the lowest form of human knowledge and the more familiarity anyone becomes with any subject especially entertainment the more contempt they will usually have for it.   I got that notion: from Al Snow and it resonated with me because so many  people do this with entertainment and in doing so they are unable to be entertained and escapes which are crucial I do not care what anyone says they are extremely crucial to one's life.   I heard Dennis Prager talk about this on Louder with Crowder Steven Crowder he lamented on the death of hobbies because they have played such a pivotal role in bringing him joy".   Now that should not be used as any kind of escape I never want to leave a life of escapism or avoiding life "I am not sure I want to live a so called full life."   I am not even sure what that means at this point in time but I never want to avoid life I do not think anyone should impose their values on anyone they can give so called advice and an opinion and I do not believe in  fundamentalism: I am not even sure what a fundamental Christian entails it does not make a whole lot of sense to me.   Depending on whom I listen or talk it seems like they will contradict what the other reader or listener suggested.   But I will make this vow to everyone if  something that I read   and understand in the bible I do not fully agree I will change my opinion I am not that arrogant to where I can not admit that I  am wrong I will try and use my God given common sense has a guide and hopefully in attempting to do that it will lead me in  the right direction it is why I am not sure about fundamentalism: of any kind.   I have tried and listen to a lot of Christan prospective some of which my God given common sense advised me to reject now they may counter with that truth is just too painful and I just do not want to hear it that is not the case again I used my God given common sense which told me to reject it immediately I acknowledge that I am not a good person I think everyone should start with that premise because I think it will give people clarity and I think clarity is fundamental to knowing that we are all works in progress.   But do not be so overwhelmed with guilt that you are not functional because that is  what developing an  image will do so I suggest to get rid of any destructive image  you have for your life I can't please everyone in my life it is tempting to want to do so but it is  not possible so let go of all your control God does not desire for any us to be in control of all areas in our lives because it is a burden none of were designed to carry.   This is fundamentally important to understand because I think we can all lead a better life without attempting to carry unnecessary burdens.   I never want to get into the mind seat of "chasing dragons" because that  is what so many famous people do they form an image that no one can adhere and when they fail to live up to that image that is when they self destruct or it is similar to christian fundamentalism and  what I mean by that is just to adhere to every standard of any given religion I think everyone should be allowed a certain amount of release I am going to use this analogy: and I think this will help each one of us are like tea kettles that are ready to erupt it is why I do not care what people say privately if no one is allowed to vent that is why so many people snap it is why trying to adhere fundamentally to every Christan tented is unreasonable I would like to but I do not think it is possible so do not hold yourself to that standard I wish I could but it is why people who are religious fundamentalist  act out inappropriately and that to me is more destructive then any alternative.   That does not mean we should not try to live up to those fundamentals but I really do not think anyone should beat themselves up when they fail to live up to those standards and all that means we can continue to learn and improve understand that acknowledging that being a work in progress is not a death sentence.   Remain grateful and that is extremely difficult to acknowledge to remain grateful even with the  monotony of life life is monotonous for everyone to some extent just accept that and never forget to stay hard stay heavy because we all have aboluely no choice I wish we did not have  to accept it and when I suggest to stay hard stay heavy I want readers to take it and make it their own take it in a positive direction.   I still have a desire to please everyone I meet I wish I  did not have to explain everything to everyone but that is the position all of are.   So this is not unique to anyone but just because  I am against smart phones and the like does not make me unique  I just see how poisonous  they have all been to everyone around  me.    I know people do this because of their work and I am not against work because I think a lot of the crime poverty etc. is caused by beardom beardom is a huge issue so is the issue of fear.   The fear of being judged by every single Christan taking delight in  the notion that all of us will go to hell.    I am not against warning people that they will go to hell but that should always be done in an act of love.   Only focusing on the after life you will not live.   I know that will bother many pastors I do not think it should I think maybe the warning of going to hell should motivate people to change their lives to not do activities that led them down a path that will end up hurting them it is the same as going down a rabbit hole or a downward  spiral which everyone will eventually go down.   All of us need to recharge our batteries and have necessary  shock absorbers  other wise none of us will know what we are truly capable  if we are always protected.   I need to elaborate that poverty is not anyone's fault but the act of boredom and crime is a person's fault.   Conservatives are often the ones who use  the phrase pull yourself up by your boot straps and it is true to some extent but that can not be and should not be used as a crutch which unfortunately   many people do such as: race or even disability  none of those factors should be used as a crutch because that causes resentment and victim hood which is being encouraged by society and as I stated previously  all that does is cause resentment and assumption  which causes conjecture  that gets magnified because of social media the best thing we all need to do is block out all of the noise and has long as those hobbies do not get out of control do not give them up if it takes control over our lives then it becomes a problem.   But otherwise keep them because if you do not you will go crazy.   Maybe just maybe this comes from experience but all of this should remain healthy and has long as they do not replace anything essential I think they are necessary.   Life will always have a tendency to be a shock to the system my only hope is  that people do not alienate which is something that is tempting to do I hate to have to admit that this is something I wish I did not have to admit that I do not feel as alienated  as I felt growing up but I certainty needed that alternative rock that I grew up listening it was critical  because it  assured me that I was not as alone as I thought so the best thing we can hope for is be surprised and hopefully all of this will work out for our good.   Not that everything that happens  to everyone is good  or even beneficial so get all of that out of your mind it is essential whether anyone has religion or faith it is essential to get that out of your mind regardless of what people say one of the biggest issues people make the assumption that they have to say something but most of the time and I hope readers: understand this most of the time it is better and healthier  to remain silent that can sometimes be the best way to show anyone support.   Be both: thankful and grateful but understand: God does not want any of us near the concept of controlling what occurs  in this world  accept the concept of theodicy and maybe try to develop a philosophy when those tragedies  occur.   Sometimes developing  a philosophy can be helpful but sometimes there is no way  to  comprehend  so it can develop and become a trap.   Also do not be afraid  of relying on your own imagination when I was growing up I had to rely on my imagination and in my experience that should not change.   I understand the concept of growing up that is an ultimate goal but I still think relying on your own imagination is essential: that is why Albert Einstein said "imagination is more important then knowledge it is there for a reason.   A lot of people say that "artists" in the family do not pay the bills".   That maybe true but I do not think anyone should give up on their art because it is essential for our survival  so is humor satire  and ridicule some may not like it but that is the price of freedom.   It is the exact same thing  as: the 2nd amendment some may not like it and I am willing to listen to anyone's suggestions on this topic but I am not sure how any of this can change but I think if anyone feels anything in their gut trust it do not ignore your intuition  it is there in all of us for a reason.   There is absolutely no differences between hate speech and freedom of speech I wish there were a difference. The necessity of God is more important then just the belief in God because just saying any of us believe in God tells us nothing about the necessity  of God.   I think telling or suggesting that college and graduate school are not necessary  is a mistake those who are "successful" without any of it good for them but it is not reality for the majority of individuals  and if people can not make generalizations  than nothing can be discussed.   I am not sure what the absolute  best phrase or word to use but I think many people need college or graduate school.   Now I do believe that the notion: of celebrating where one goes to college or graduate school is extremely  overrated.   I learn a lot by listening or watching Prager U videos I do not think I agree with all of it but I love material that makes me think.   I want to be exposed to has many ideas as I can be.   There are many ideas that I listen to and reject so we all must be able to critically think I am not sure colleges and graduate schools encourage critically  thinking.   I am not sure what I should sacrifice because in the bible it talks about picking a sacrifice.   Should I give up hobbies that give me joy and an escape I would suggest absolutely not because those hobbies have "restored" me not in the way the holy spirit restores me but it restores me in a different way each seem to be positive for me.   But I am not sure just having Jesus Christ in our lives is the only thing that sustains or keeps us happy. It is certainly part of  it but there is a lot to managing our well being.  The main aspect about a relationship with God it is supernatural for everyone which means no one can put that into words because the lord does all the work.   I do not know maybe I should just "stay in my lane but all of these subjects  have been weighing heavily  on my mind and being able to express my thoughts on these deep topics have been a great release for me.   I wish I could be a non playable character  it would  be much easier for me but I am not certain it would  be satisfying for me.   I do not know maybe I am thinking about topics that I should not worry because as I stated earlier I have a problem  with: worry and people often say psychologically that people are born with certain dispositions but the reality is those dispositions can change much like life in an instant.   So the best thing we can do is not fear God but revere  him has much as possible because I think that will lead to a healthy fear.   Do not be a gritter:   whatever that means because remember everyone has to have an ulterior motivate  where no one is allowed to make any kind of mistake that is both disastrous for both the individual and society which I think is the goal.    Or the goal from the woke or the social justice warriors want to create a pain free life which is not possible but the goal is to get rid of all pain and they have become the absolute  authority on everything.   Absolute  authority when it comes to either speech or information is an absolute detriment  to each and every group and individual.   I hope this is not generational I hope that all of this is cyclical.     I do not believe everyone should follow their dreams but no one should forget to dream because those dreams will prevent us from losing what everyone needs "peace of mind" if people do not have and never have had "peace of mind" is an ultimate issue and  should be a value which is underrated but it should not be underrated by anyone it needs to be explained: the necessity  of "peace of mind".    I think the best thing all of us can  do is try and remain grateful it will  not be easy for me or anyone and when people go though times of grief it is extremely difficult to remain grateful so I suggest to stay silent that sometimes can be the best antidote because it can give the reassurance that people care and most of the time that reassurance can only be given by remaining silent.   I want to be used in a positive way and if it does not work out I will try and not blame God but I have to admit it is easy for all of us to blame God when things go wrong.   I have a lot of confusion and guilt I just know that from the beginning if it necessary guilt I will pay close attention to all of it and hopefully we can all be placed in the correct position but just try and rely on God that is what I have always been attempting but now even more.   Remember: what Denzel Washington said "fear is a contaminated faith".   Hobbies are essential to both a full and better life.   But one of the biggest issues are that people who do not understand those hobbies but that should never dissuade anyone from pursing those hobbies unless they are causing harm.   Those hobbies can be essential to dulling pain whether people accept it that is a different story.   But that does not change the fact that hobbies can and should dull the pain.   The beauty of hobbies are: they were self entertaining.     According to Dennis Prager which makes absolute sense to me.   Sometimes that light bulb will go off without realizing it that is an important realization for everyone much like Benjamin Franklin when he discovered electricity that does not have to be a bad thing for anyone.   Every one will sin I just think it is important to know and acknowledge that and I think letting minsters and preachers know that it will help bridge the gap and maybe all of us can have a better conversation.   Sin is sin to God there is absolutely no exception to any of this sin is so serious that the sentence is death.   There are all kinds of sins one can commit: sins of  mission or omission I just think that is critical to acknowledge.   I think it is also extremely important to acknowledge that I feel as a fraud in many ways and I believe a lot of people feel as if they are a fraud that is the main reason I prefer to escape I really need to be transported not that I need to avoid reality I certainty would like to do so.   None of this will be easy in fact I think most of this will be down right impossible to accomplish none of us were designed to even attempt to try and accomplish any of this all any of us can do is accept that and understand that.   We were not meant to try and control everything in our lives those lines can blur extremely easily.    But the biggest tragedy any of us can have is being prevented from accomplishing: a good work because if God places a spark in our hearts it is easy to demises that does  not mean it will go away.   Everything that is worth doing will not be easy but are the sacrifices worth it?   Because nothing worth doing will be easy.   But there is a price for everything in life just know that going and what are the sacrifices that are willing to be made?   I think every one should be entailed to a level of satisfaction.   The term entitled is a word I very rarely use but I think most people do not get the level of satisfaction from their work there is a reason it is called work.    None of this should be dismissed because work is essential because it is where most people spend most of  their time but I think it is rare for the majority of people to gain satisfaction unless their work is their passion which is extremely rare for the majority.   Do not forget to dream maybe do not follow your dreams that is terrible advice to follow but do not forget to dream and never demise your imagination because I think it will be there when we all need it and imagination may come at the most inconvenient times.   None of this will be easy it may cause a lot of sadness depression and confusion it will get more difficult has time goes on but the best thing we can not be is to reactionary which is what I see mostly on line and I think it is a detrimental mistake because being reactionary in any way shape or form is detrimental.   Because people form reactions from their emotions and emotions are the first thing we are guided it is why the news media put up headlines not to inform but to cause a reaction.   I am no better I do not react well just being guided by my emotions and feelings but this  is similar to forming an opinion forming an opinion takes little or no information real  knowledge comes only from personal experience no matter what it is.   I trust anyone who has actually had experience doing anything over someone who just forms an opinion.   I do not care how much research knowledge or information anyone has on a topic if they do not have experience doing whatever it is I value and trust their experience more.   I need to apologize for suggesting the 2nd amendment:  ridicule and satire are the same they are not the only point I was trying to make is to live in a free society we have to put up with things we do not a like.    But the 2nd amendment is  a complicated and complex issue it  is also a very emotional topic and those emotions regardless  of what they are they are real and should be respected.   There are both positives and negatives to everything whether that is just a hobby or something any of  us are obligated  to do there will always be positives and negatives to them so the best thing to do is try and find  the positives and negatives to any and everything.   But sometimes it can get  confessing and to complicated so I just try to keep all of this in my mind but most of time we all need to just go with the flow maybe that will work but there will be other times that will not work.   It is extremely difficult to know whether any confusion sadness and depression are rational.    I think incessant judging can turn away new believers which most of time is not intentional I liking it to this a comment section that just keeps getting comment after comment that not only confuses but dissuades people from coming to Christ let people make mistakes let people stumble let them accept Christ on their own time table when they are exactly ready Jesus Christ will do the work in the heart all people can do is try and plant the seed.   A personal relationship with Jesus Christ is a very personal decision and can be a very complicated and confusing issue.   Faith is something everyone eventually choices and I think even with the confusion depression and anxiety that I have I hope and pray that I am able to get through so much of this I do not think any of this is generational everyone has both confusion and loneliness loneliness is an issue that has been discussed a lot the past few years and even with all the connection that people have there is an extreme loneliness epidemic and my heart truly goes out to anyone who is lonely and unfortunately: loneliness will only get worse.   That  is the main reason hobbies are so critical because hobbies are self entertaining but the main issue is dealing being by yourself  something all of us must learn how to be alone a lot.   Not that being alone is a positive aspect because it is not I think people need people whom they trust.   One of the main issues I see and do not understand the notion of character assignation I do not mean literal "assignation" I mean just distorting everyone just because they can it is truly a sick and dangerous  time for everyone.   It is an extremely dark period and I find it to be both sad and anxiety inducing: the term or phrase that has been going on a lot now the term "the hopeless generation" and one of the reasons I see is the fear of offending and no one can be either a good person or a productive person if they always have a  fear of being hurt.   I know for a fact that abandoning any kind of religion has been both disastrous and dangerous for society because the main tenant of religion is order out of chaos the world was made out of chaos and God a "designer" or "builder" made order out of chaos which means faith is something we all must eventually choice.   That is the main issue when it comes to faith it is a choice.   We are all made in the image of God but not everyone is a child of God because we are given free will to reject God and he will  not violate that free will.   Even if we reject God I think eventually he will try to get our attention.    God does not want anyone to perish and go to hell which is a separation from God.   Because God took a lot of effort to create all of us I think he will do all he can to get our attention and is always willing to forgive.   None of us are good enough to go to heaven it is a free gift for all of us.   I think a lot of Christans get into the mind set of they were never worthy so they do not even attempt to accept God.   Not understanding  that there is nothing any of us can do to be worthy.   I never want to fight against God if he is trying to get my attention it is usually for the good.   I also think all of us need to get rid of the "image" that we think God wants us to have.    Much like an image we have for our lives are self destructive so can be the image that we are trying to present to God.   I choice to keep my hobbies because they have brought me both joy and an escape and for those who claim they are sins I will take my chances because they have continually remained healthy.   Always believe: even though I think the advice to follow your passion for a job is terrible advice I still think it is critical to survival to dream and to not dismiss any kind of imagination or dreams because that imagination will usually come at the most inconvenient times.   I did not suggest and have never tried to suggest that imagination and dreams will come at convenient times imagination and dreams will often occur when we need it. None of this will come at convenient times but once that lever gets pulled it can be extremely freeing not to hurt us but to motivate us when we don't think we can go forward.   I think relying on your God given imagination and dreams will only help all of us.   Because it is a vision that only we can see.   The unfortunate notion and aspect to all of this it is extremely complicated much like most aspects in life.   That is why most of this when it comes to imagination and dreams seem concretionary because most of it is that is an unfortunate acknowledgment that so much of dreams and imagination contradict each other but just because both: imagination and dreams are in conflict that does not mean that they should be dismissed but I do think imagination and dreams should be encouraged I do not think imagination and dreams are being encouraged.   Because imagination and dreams will come at the most inconvenient times not when we want them but hopefully when we need them.   So rely on both  imagination and dreams because that vision that only we can see will keep us both: grounded and motived.   It states in the bible a man without a dream shall perish.   Or to put it in a different way  where there is no vision people will perish.   If imagination is more important than knowledge  than that must be aboluely necessary.   Faith is also aboluely necessary much like imagination it is  necessary.   It is okay to have doubts and to lose faith I do not think it is a sin to admit to loosing their faith at some point all of us even Christans will struggle with their faith the secular use that as a weapon but it is okay to struggle but we must listen to the holy spirit once all us ask God into our hearts his holy spirit will pernitrate our hearts no matter what happens to us once we invite the holy spirit into our hearts it will not leave us unless we reject God because he gave us free will we are allowed to reject God that is different than being conflicted confessed or depressed that is part of the battle between human nature I think to deny that I think we are denying human nature I am not against faith or religion I think it is part of living a full filled life it gives all of us comfort that I do not understand because it is supernatural it is supernatural for all of us there is no way around that notion.   Nothing can explain all of us human nature and human beings are an absolute mystery.   But I think all of us must remain silent and listen to the holy spirit in times of tumoral.   But it is best to stay aboluely silent.   I know that is counter intuitive in this noise rumor spreading gossipy world but I think quiet time reflection whatever term any of us decide to use meditation it is all an absolute mystery but that does not mean we should run away from any of this.   People may not understand but it is absolutely necessary because it both clears and reanimates the mind it clear confusion which we make us all more productive.   Both music and professional wrestling encages my imagination in a different way.   But I do believe in a "calling" which may not make any sense to any of us it may not even be something any of us want to do because it may make absolutely no sense that is just a fact.   A "calling" is a mystery for every human being that  is a part of a "calling" it is different than following your passion a "calling" can be a part of your passion but it does not have to be.   But nothing can explain any of us not religion faith  or psychotherapy can explain any of us but they all connect.    The best thing all of us have to realize and understand the notion that the lord works in mysterious ways is aboluely true but I hope the lord places all of us and makes us the people he calls all of us to be.   But it  is certainty a mystery which we all must eventually accept at some point and I have.   The biggest battle in our lives is our own human nature the biggest battle in our lives is battling is with ourselves and I accept that human nature is not basically good if anyone believes that human nature is basically good they are either a fool or they have not thought through the issue and hopefully our own happiness and satisfaction is not determined by our circumstances?   Our battle is with our own nature my nature is my greatest battle it has absolutely nothing to do with external circumstance our human nature is our biggest battle in our lives.   When a person joins any kind of group they become stupid but when someone is face to face  one on one they are exceptional.   Our greatest battle in our lives is our own human nature.   My human nature is my biggest obstacle.   That is the biggest difference between the left and the right the left thinks it is with external circumstances examples:  racism sexism  feminism patriarch or even incels taking the side of the oppressor.    The last thing: is as Ronnie James Dio explained: that dreamers never die or "dreams are what we are".    The main thing: and this is extremely pithy: for me to clarify that my main reason for starting this blog I wanted to be able to explain my opinions in an entertaining and clear way.   I write about many different topics many are trivial light and then the ultimate issues that I did not think I would write about but I did feel better after writing about these critical topics that may make people feel uncomfortable: such as loving the lord with all your heart is just one commandment that I struggle and have trouble.    That has never been my intention but I choose to be honest  and real.   When I suggest that when I try to think as: an atheist would think I mean it but because I made a commitment to Jesus Christ that changed me and I have never been the same that is why I believe in Jesus Christ because his holy spirit gave me the peace and reassurance that I did not have otherwise.   I believe the lord did all the work and accepted me the way I am but did not want to leave me the way I am.   I do believe that some of this blog has been divinely inspired that I did not have anything to do it has all been the lord not that I am special I have been given certain gifts that I have attempted to use the worst thing I can do is not use those talents because I do believe all talent comes from God for example: when Rush Limbaugh: would claim to "have talent on loan from God" many of his critics: probably thought how arrogant  but it really was  a humble statement because all talent comes from God.   But I guess if they do not believe in God that statement would not mean anything to them.   The bible says just one sin is enough to keep all of us out of heaven but because of  what Jesus Christ did on the cross those sins were erased.   Because no one can adhere or live up to those standards and because of what Jesus Christ did we do not have.   It is not about anything we have done because there is nothing we can do a lot of people think well if I am just a good person and when I die I will go to heaven that is not either.    The lord does all the work he opens our eyes and shows us how messed up and broken we all are.    I still feel alienated  and broken in a lot of ways and I am not sure if that goes away but I certainly feel more at peace because of what Jesus Christ did in my life.   I know that it is important to realize that heaven is not going to be filled with perfect people it is going to be filled with forgiven people and all we can do is confuses our sin.   I have always wanted to let people know about my passions and what I love because I want them to experience the joy that I have experienced and with this blog I have been able to do so.